What Will You Do in 2022…

What Will You Do in 2022…

WHEN THE YEAR STARTS TO DRAW TO A CLOSE & THE NEW ONE IS ON THE HORIZON it’s time to start looking forward.

When the hurly burly of Christmas & the Holiday Season ramps up it’s easy to get caught up in the distraction as you swing from crazy to chaotic – end of year targets, an endless round of socialising, holidays, Christmas lunch & dinner to think about, as well as co-ordinating visits to the rellies – family. In all of this, there’s one simple question to answer, “are you happy?”.

You might answer sometimes, generally, usually, not always – we all have things in our life that make us feel happy, but deep down are you happy?

If you find yourself saying “I’ll be happy when...”, it’s time to clear the clutter to uncover what truly makes you happy. Finding happy isn’t a chase or a goal to go after, it’s finding where your happy place is within you & the rest follows.

How about making 2022 your year of personal growth, change and development – free from being weighed down by past baggage…

Unfortunately there’s still a lot of stigma about Counselling but Counselling is really all about Personal Development – working one-on-one with someone to help you get where you want to go, to stop doing the things that prevent you from being happy and start doing more of the things that do. It’s that simple.

ūüďÖ A Year of Personal Change – what you can do:

1. Let go of expectations of yourself, others and how you think things should be

2. Stop trying to please everyone – it takes you away from your true self

3. Repair resentment, guilt and shame – find its root cause and heal it. Remember we all makes mistakes – it’s how we learn

4. Find forgiveness¬†and you’ll find authentic connections with yourself and others

5. Say goodbye to draining, de-energising relationships – it’s tough but you’ve got to know when it’s not for you

6. Release all the busyness – have you confused it with status and achievement? Or avoidance? It doesn’t give you more of anything except stress and (often) lower self-esteem

7. Money doesn’t buy happiness – of course you need it but what have you traded-off for material gain & earning more & more? And how much do you really need anyway?

8. Let go of fear of abandonment – it leads to poor decision making

9. And let go of fear too – that’s one thing the KŇępuna/Elders always advise. Fear is the distortion of the Ego which is designed to help you in this school of life.

A list is just a list without action and action is hard to take on your own – that’s why you need a Wise Guide to help you access the places you would not be able to go by yourself and cheer you on through the tough stuff…they also make sure you’re holding yourself in love and not judgement

‚ėĚ If this strikes a chord and you want 2022 to be a milestone year, then make a time with Mark or one of the other Wise Guides and get set for 2022…

The One Who Wasn’t

The One Who Wasn’t

“I’m going out, I try to meet people, I try to look happy all the time so they think I’m fun…”¬†Sound familiar?

FINDING IT HARD TO PACK UP & MOVE ON? Do you dread Valentine’s Day because puts the spotlight on relationships when we’d rather a rosy glow, or any other holiday for that matter?¬†

Walk around the park on a sunny weekend afternoon and it seems that just about everyone is happy in love except you.

If you’re finding it hard to move on from the ONE WHO WASN’T, then it could be because LOVE is addictive. Just like any addiction it usually has it’s roots in early experiences.

The ideal of “romantic” love is hard to ignore – we’re bombarded with it daily in one way or another, which is a blessing really because it reminds you to have another go at cutting loose once and for all.

Recent studies show that love activates our brain part linked to addiction, so when love’s lost you go into withdrawal.

When love lost hits you hard¬†& you just can’t let go, try answering these 6 questions:

1. are you really grieving something unresolved from the past?

2. did you feel secure growing up as a child?

3. was your partner part of some other life goal?

4. did having a partner make you feel more worthy?

5. do you feel there isn’t any opportunity to meet someone else?

6. are you still in the “infactuated, first days” state of mind?

Answer these questions truthfully & you’ll get back on track. Try it by yourself or book yourself in with one of the SoHAD Wise Guides. Just a few sessions¬†will work wonders and well worth the outlay…

Kumu Julia recalls her search for “the One”. I remember wondering if I was ever going to find the ONE. And I did – right next to me in Counselling School.¬†BUT, before that, I flung myself into my inner work. Because, when all is said and done, that’s the key to having the relationship you want, not the one you’ll settle for.¬†And yes as part of that I wrote lists, said affirmations and prayed – a lot. But I kept working on myself.

And finally, when I had sorted through the baggage, the fear, the worry, the anxiety and made peace with myself and felt it was OK to be alone for the rest of my life, in that moment of great peace, my life changed and I absolutely knew without a doubt that soon I would find my ONE and I did – so do the work and you will too.”

I KNOW 100% doing your inner work will help you find the partner that’s perfect for you. It may take a while, but it’ll be well worth the investment. And you won’t be waiting around – you’ll be busy doing your inner work, finding your way AND coming out the otherside as the person you truly aspire to be, not someone else’s idea of who you¬†should be and what’s acceptable.

Please reach out to the SoHAD Wise Guides – they’re all qualified Therapists. They all work slightly differently but they all come from the same Spiritual space. It’s not about being your “best self” – don’t fall into that mindtrap – it’s about being YOUR SELF. That’s the one the world needs. And your life partner will find you when your own light shines bright.

The One Who Wasn’t

Don’t Be Afraid to…Start Over

You’re not starting from the same place…

Why don’t people leave bad situations? FEAR..

It’s the FEAR that needs to be talked with and understood. It’s not as easy as logicising Fear as IRRATIONAL – all Fear is completely rational from the viewpoint of the person experiencing it.

When you experience life from within the structure of Fear, because that’s what you know, then, strangely, Fear becomes a sort of uncomfortable, unwanted, yet safe zone. Yes it’s muddled up. And that’s the point.

Life becomes so chaotic and muddled you can’t think straight as Fear wraps its way around you, binding you tighter and tighter to a situation you know – somewhere – you don’t really want to be in. But you stay. Sometimes for a long time, maybe even a lifetime.

It might be a relationship, a job, a country, the pursuit of a dream, and from within it all there’s one thing you absolutely DO know – you’re unhappy……and of all the things people strive for, the main one is simply to be happy.¬†

If it’s simple to be happy, what makes it so damn hard to achieve or at least maintain?

FEAR. When people lash out, often what’s underneath it all is internalised Fear. When people clam up, can’t/won’t/don’t speak about what’s going on inside, it’s Fear sealing them in. When people stay in bad situations, it’s Fear keeping them there because it shuts down the view of a better alternative.

Most people fear not being understood; they fear if they leave they’ll be unsupported, life will be too hard on their own, they’ll be poor, homeless, they’ll feel guilty, they’ll hurt someone, be alone forever, they won’t know who they are, they won’t have the resilience to make it through, they won’t have the skills to survive.

And there it is РSurvival. One of the most basic of human needs, and Fear plays on it because Fear is a construct of the Ego, which can only base its judgements on the past projecting them into the future. Never Now. 

Fear comes from the past – that’s why it has to be spoken with, understood, re-explained and redirected from where you are now, not where you were. Now is different to Then.¬†

When you learn how to speak with Fear from the Present you can unravel what it’s tangled around.When you understand what it was/is Fear is trying to protect you from, you are left with an alternative. EXPERIENCE. And POWER.¬†

It is from this place in the Present, with a better understanding of the experience of fear, you are left with an Experience from which you can begin to lay the foundations for more happiness in life.

Your decisions don’t come from Fear, they’re coming from understanding yourself better. You become powerful enough to change fear into an ally for Growth. And that’s a far more positive and helpful place to start from…

(PS Always reach out to the Wise Guides for help – you don’t have to be a student of the School to book in with the Wise Guides)

 

The One Who Wasn’t

Toxic Friendships: Is it Time to Let Them Go?

It’s about belonging, acceptance, vaidation and avoidance of loneliness.

The need to belong drives people to stay in destructive relationships. They change their behaviours to “succeed” in the group or with a particular friend or relationship.

They’ll engage in exhausting social comparison that leads to adopting the same behaviors and attitudes of the most prominent members of the group/friend/partner in order to conform and gain greater acceptance.¬†

Sometimes people find themselves doing and saying things that they KNOW isn’t “them”; they feel competitive with other “friends”, feel like they’re walking on eggshells, riding an emotional roller-coaster, unseen because the Other does all the talking, they do all the calling, messaging and arranging, and are the recipient of some brutal criticism – and they suck it all up.

Why? Because the alternative seems too painful. 

True friendships are balanced, equal and each person’s needs are acknowledged not overlooked. Getting out of a toxic relationship does take a litlle effort and sometimes a bit of external help – you can start by reflecting on the relationship, its history, how you got together, your needs at the time and now – people naturally change over time – and if this relationship is really as critical to you as it once was.

Then there’s the acknowledgement that this relationship is hurting you and by staying in it you’re hurting yourself – again, this one is often helped out with one of the Wise Guides because there’s something in you that needs to be heard and resolved too.¬†

Sometimes it’s about learning to set boundaries and find your voice. Depending on where your reflections lead you about this relationship, a few Wise Guides conversations can help you to practice setting boundaries and speaking up.

And The Wise Guides can also help you to decide if you want to let it go…