It’s about belonging, acceptance, vaidation and avoidance of loneliness.

The need to belong drives people to stay in destructive relationships. They change their behaviours to “succeed” in the group or with a particular friend or relationship.

They’ll engage in exhausting social comparison that leads to adopting the same behaviors and attitudes of the most prominent members of the group/friend/partner in order to conform and gain greater acceptance. 

Sometimes people find themselves doing and saying things that they KNOW isn’t “them”; they feel competitive with other “friends”, feel like they’re walking on eggshells, riding an emotional roller-coaster, unseen because the Other does all the talking, they do all the calling, messaging and arranging, and are the recipient of some brutal criticism – and they suck it all up.

Why? Because the alternative seems too painful. 

True friendships are balanced, equal and each person’s needs are acknowledged not overlooked. Getting out of a toxic relationship does take a litlle effort and sometimes a bit of external help – you can start by reflecting on the relationship, its history, how you got together, your needs at the time and now – people naturally change over time – and if this relationship is really as critical to you as it once was.

Then there’s the acknowledgement that this relationship is hurting you and by staying in it you’re hurting yourself – again, this one is often helped out with one of the Wise Guides because there’s something in you that needs to be heard and resolved too. 

Sometimes it’s about learning to set boundaries and find your voice. Depending on where your reflections lead you about this relationship, a few Wise Guides conversations can help you to practice setting boundaries and speaking up.

And The Wise Guides can also help you to decide if you want to let it go…